The Book Which Reads You …

Dear Quran,

How do you do this?

Every single time, I open you up, with an issue on my mind, and you answer it, and you blow me away. It’s like I don’t read you, its like you read me.

You shatter each doubt, you break each barrier, you wipe away each tear, and you comfort like no one else. Sometimes I’m terrified to open you up, and set my eyes upon your lines, because I know, I know it’ll be like uncovering my soul, I know it’ll be out of my control, I know my heart will melt, and my eyes overflow, so I fear opening you, until, until I’m completely alone, just you, and I and my Rabb.

It’s like you read me,
You see right through the facade,
You address each subconscious thoughts,
You answer each unanswered questions,
You shatter each doubt, and break each barrier,
You wipe away each tear,
You uncover the soul and heal each wound,
Every single time.
Sometimes it’s too intense to bear,
Sometimes the uncovering of the faults and flaws hurt,
Sometimes you advice with words that I don’t want to hear,
But you’re never wrong.
And although before I open up to you,
Sometimes I feel scared,
It’s always worth it in the end,
Dear Quran, how do you always know what I need to hear?
Dear Quran, how do you console so beautifully? So completely?
You leave me so intrigued.

(Diary excerpt June 2016)

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Intuition

Bismillah.

I’ve been thinking of the following verses of Surah Yusuf/Joseph lately. The first set of verses are:

So when they took him [out] and agreed to put him into the bottom of the well… But We inspired to him, “You will surely inform them [someday] about this affair of theirs while they do not perceive [your identity].” And they came to their father at night, weeping. They said, “O our father, indeed we went racing each other and left Joseph with our possessions, and a wolf ate him. But you would not believe us, even if we were truthful.” And they brought upon his shirt false blood. [Jacob] said, “Rather, your souls have enticed you to something, so patience is most fitting. And Allah is the one sought for help against that which you describe.” [12:15-18]

Yaqub as felt that his sons were lying to him. His intuition told him so, and he was right. His sons were lying, Yusuf had not died from a wolf attack but instead was thrown into a well by his own brothers. The language Yusuf’s brothers use already suggests that they aren’t being honest. They say, “you would not believe us, even if we were truthful”. I was awed by Yaqub as intuition. But then again, he already feared something bad would happen to Yusuf if his brothers took him out. His fears came true.

The next set of verses talk about when Yusuf’s brothers take Benyamin/Benjamin to see the Minister (Yusuf), and Yusuf as takes his brother with him by accusing him of stealing his cup. Here are the verses:

Return to your father and say, “O our father, indeed your son has stolen, and we did not testify except to what we knew. And we were not witnesses of the unseen, And ask the city in which we were and the caravan in which we came – and indeed, we are truthful,” [Jacob] said, “Rather, your souls have enticed you to something, so patience is most fitting. Perhaps Allah will bring them to me all together. Indeed it is He who is the Knowing, the Wise.” [12:81-83]

Look at the language here. The brothers say “indeed, we are truthful”, there isn’t any speculation being done here. They are actually speaking the truth this time, and yet … Yaqub as doesn’t believe them at all. Just like the first time. The same words are used here. This time his intuition is wrong.

SubhanAllah. I’m reflecting on these verses because of my current situation. I’ve spoken to quite a few prospects for marriage by now. At this point, I’m just super cautious. I’ve stopped basing my opinions on people’s words. I’m waiting for their actions to show me the truth. I call it intuition, but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m just judging. But I’m just so emotionally exhausted at this point. I’m going to still trust my intuition, and if it’s proven wrong, I’ll happily accept my mistake.

The beautiful thing about both set of verses is how they end. They both end in immense amounts of hope. Because sometimes that all you have to hang onto.

Hope.

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Death?

Have you ever wished for death? Not the “I want to kill myself” sort. But the sort where you just feel like it isn’t worth existing? Please be honest.  It’s not about one issue you’re facing. And no one can really relate or understand. Did you ever make dua for death? At some point in life, you must have. Even Maryam (Mary), the mother of Eesa (Jesus), wished for death when she was going through the pains of childbirth.

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A Word

Bismillah.

Recently I was listening to the Quran, and the verse that I heard, made goosebumps rise upon my arms. Did I hear that right?

“And we thought that humans and jinn would never utter lies about God.” [72:5]

This blew me away. I had to go back and read this verse just to see if I had heard it right.

I am almost 30 years old, and I still cannot grasp how easy it is for people to lie. How can people make false promises, say things that they just don’t mean, or intend to fulfill? I just cannot fathom it. Just don’t say things you don’t mean. I feel like it’s become so habitual, that people lie without even realizing it.

“I’ll be there for you”

“You’re like a sister to me”

“I promise not to hurt you”

“I respect your time and I won’t waste it”

All these words, mere cheap words. Don’t people know the value of a word? A word that can land you in the deepest parts of hell? Or a word that can raise your levels into Jannah? Just one word.

It feels so good to have my thoughts mirrored in the Quran. Because the world tells me I’m a fool to expect people to be honest. I am the “naive” one.

It’s sad we live in a world where quite often, people’s actions don’t match their words. This is truly heartbreaking.

Remind’s me of my post “Staying True”, which I wrote about 2 years ago.

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He’s not …

“He doesn’t have anger management issues!”

Those are the first words she said to me when she told me she got engaged.

It’s so sad. I know her father and brother both have anger management issues. We seek in men certain things. Certain positive traits that our fathers and brothers have. We seek in our future spouses the lack of certain negative traits the men in our lives have.

I don’t think men realize how huge an impact they have on the women in their lives.

It’s sad that she has to find a spouse who doesn’t have anger management issues. It’s sad that such men aren’t the norm.

” … And women have rights similar to their obligations, according to what is fair. But men have a degree over them. God is Mighty and Wise.” [2:228]

A degree above them. A degree of responsibility. To provide for them, to take care of them, to love them, to accept them, to forgive their flaws and mistakes, to be kind and merciful to them.

A degree above them … not a degree of abuse, of feeling superior.

Ponder over this.

 

 

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Catch Me … By Nai’ma B Roberts

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Breaths

In times of difficulty,
She replaces breathing air,
With inhaling and exhaling prayers,
For that is what protects her heart,
From falling into the depths of despair.

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