Have you ever wished for death? Not the “I want to kill myself” sort. But the sort where you just feel like it isn’t worth existing? Please be honest.  It’s not about one issue you’re facing. And no one can really relate or understand. Did you ever make dua for death? At some point in life, you must have. Even Maryam (Mary), the mother of Eesa (Jesus), wished for death when she was going through the pains of childbirth.

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A Word


Recently I was listening to the Quran, and the verse that I heard, made goosebumps rise upon my arms. Did I hear that right?

“And we thought that humans and jinn would never utter lies about God.” [72:5]

This blew me away. I had to go back and read this verse just to see if I had heard it right.

I am almost 30 years old, and I still cannot grasp how easy it is for people to lie. How can people make false promises, say things that they just don’t mean, or intend to fulfill? I just cannot fathom it. Just don’t say things you don’t mean. I feel like it’s become so habitual, that people lie without even realizing it.

“I’ll be there for you”

“You’re like a sister to me”

“I promise not to hurt you”

“I respect your time and I won’t waste it”

All these words, mere cheap words. Don’t people know the value of a word? A word that can land you in the deepest parts of hell? Or a word that can raise your levels into Jannah? Just one word.

It feels so good to have my thoughts mirrored in the Quran. Because the world tells me I’m a fool to expect people to be honest. I am the “naive” one.

It’s sad we live in a world where quite often, people’s actions don’t match their words. This is truly heartbreaking.

Remind’s me of my post “Staying True”, which I wrote about 2 years ago.

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He’s not …

“He doesn’t have anger management issues!”

Those are the first words she said to me when she told me she got engaged.

It’s so sad. I know her father and brother both have anger management issues. We seek in men certain things. Certain positive traits that our fathers and brothers have. We seek in our future spouses the lack of certain negative traits the men in our lives have.

I don’t think men realize how huge an impact they have on the women in their lives.

It’s sad that she has to find a spouse who doesn’t have anger management issues. It’s sad that such men aren’t the norm.

” … And women have rights similar to their obligations, according to what is fair. But men have a degree over them. God is Mighty and Wise.” [2:228]

A degree above them. A degree of responsibility. To provide for them, to take care of them, to love them, to accept them, to forgive their flaws and mistakes, to be kind and merciful to them.

A degree above them … not a degree of abuse, of feeling superior.

Ponder over this.



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Catch Me … By Nai’ma B Roberts

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In times of difficulty,
She replaces breathing air,
With inhaling and exhaling prayers,
For that is what protects her heart,
From falling into the depths of despair.

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A Weird #BusStory

Some of the weirdest, most peculiar things happen on the bus. This was one of those weird but thought-provoking, and hair-raising things.

I usually like to sit in the back of the bus. Just a personal preference. I walked onto the bus. It was quite crowded. I found one seat in the back. Someone was sitting in the seat right next to it. I usually like my personal space, but settled for this seat as it was the only one available. The man sitting next to me, Caucasian, middle-aged, moved one seat over to give me more space. “Thank you,” I said, “You’re welcome,” he smiled.

I like to just listen to something on my phone during the bus ride, or do some work. I don’t really talk to people. It’s my down time, my unwinding time. However, the middle-aged man started talking to me, “You’re very beautiful,” he said.

I felt a bit creeped out. You just never know the background of people you’re sitting next to on the bus. I hoped he wasn’t drunk or high or something. So I just sort of replied in a muffled voice, “Thanks”. Hoping to get the point across that I didn’t want to continue this conversation. My straight, don’t-mess-with-me face on.

A few minutes passed by before he asked, “Are you a teacher?”. “Whoa!”, I thought to myself, how does this guy know?! I wasn’t wearing my glasses today, so didn’t come across as nerdy ( I hope!). I just had my usual handbag, no bookbag in sight. “Yes, I am,” I replied, really shocked. Was this guy a magician or something?

After a minute of silence, “I can see the ‘smarts’ in your face,” he continued. What else could he see in my face? Thankfully that was the end of that conversation, as I was starting to get really uncomfortable with the situation. He got off the bus after a few stops. I guess he wasn’t a creeper. Just a usual guy, who thought out loud or something.

I don’t get it, how the heck did he know? Super weird. I shared this story with my family and friends too. Did anything like this ever happen to you guys? I’d love to know.

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She’s still single because …

She covers too much,
She doesn’t cover properly,
She’s too picky,
She’s too demanding,
She’s not pretty enough,
She wears too much makeup,
Her standards are too high,
She’s not religious enough,
She’s too religious,

It’s so easy,
For you to stand on the other side,
And point fingers,
State reasons,
Judge me.

It’s so easy,
to pretend that you want to help,
That you seek my best interests,
But you question my decisions,
And analyze my every action,
To study my being,
To form judgments,
To think of reasons,
For why I’m today, still single.

And you break my heart,
Like countless other people,
Without realizing,
How much it hurts.

If only you were to see within me,
Have empathy,
Feel what I harbor,
Pierce through the layers of armor,
Into the core of my heart,
You would finally realize,
That the only reason,

I’m still single,
Is because:

God has willed it.
That is the *only* reason,
I’m still single,

#Diary #January2017

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