I’ve had some enlightening epiphanies in the past few weeks. Some slightly painful ones as well.
These are things that are so profound, to me at least. These are two things that I don’t take lightly, and up till now, I assumed that this was the norm. You do not go around offering advice without weighing out how it will impact the receiver’s life.
I get a lot of advice from people all the time, but I usually take it with a grain of salt. Unless it comes from a person I trust, in which case I take it acceptingly, and openly.
People tend to ask me for advice, and I’m so scared of misguiding others that I try to weigh things out, ponder upon them before I share them.
Recently, I’ve been shocked to know that people don’t do this, they just advice you with whatever comes to them in the moment without any prior thought put into it. Then they change their mind and tell you something completely opposite of the initial advice leaving you in shock.
Recently I was speaking to a prospect for marriage, and I decided to meet him. I went to see him with a friend. I thought the meeting went well except for a few hiccups (normal, I guess considering it was our first meeting). I took my friend with me because I trusted her, and thought it would help me gain objective advice from her.
After the meeting, she spent a substantial amount of time convincing me this person isn’t worth my time, and I “deserve better”. I think she was very focused on looks, which I’m shocked by, considering she’s also 30 years old. Not only did she tell me that she thinks he’s not that great, she even talked to my brother about it.
I don’t like leaving people hanging, so I prayed istikhara again that night and declined the proposal.
A few weeks later I got a text from my friend asking me how things were going with the prospect. I told her that based on her advice I had declined.
What she responded with shocked me. She told me that she had thought we would be good for each other, and that I shouldn’t be so picky as no one is perfect.
I was so dumbstruck, I honestly didn’t know how to deal with this situation. Later, I spoke to my brother and he said that I should confront her. I haven’t done that yet.
I believe that things just weren’t meant to be with this person for me. I prayed istikhara and God allowed things to fall over, so alhamdulilah. However, I’ve just really been shocked by my friend’s behavior and will not trust her with anything of this sort again.
I’ve another friend who was married to someone younger than her, and she would always ask me why I don’t consider men younger than me. I just find them a bit immature, and upon sharing this with her, she’d say “Oh common, look at me, I married someone younger”.
This friend is sadly currently going through a divorce. I met up with her for a coffee, and she was asking me about my search. She totally stunned me that day as she said: “M, you should consider someone who’s 10 years older or more, I would never go for a younger man again”.
All of these things have really pushed me to contemplate things. Hereon I think I will be very skeptical of advice people offer me. People’s advice is so shallow, there is no depth in it.
May Allah swt bless us with the best of advice from the most trustworthy of people, and may we be of those who offer valuable advice to others, ameen.
What’s your take on this?