Bismillah.
So, it’s finally her wedding. My cousin’s. Finally, not because she’s old. No, she’s in her very early twenties. Finally, because the planning has been going on for an year.
I’m sitting here with my cute little nieces. And this other far off relative. We’re at one table. I brought my dinner plate over to their table. I love my nieces and their innocent questions. They’re in grades 2, 5, respectively. I think. 
It’s hard to keep count; they grow up so fast! The far off relative, lets call her Nur, is around 16ish or so.
Reel back for a minute. I’m 29. Single. Never married. Never been in a relationship. Apart from getting to know people for marriage that is. This is hard. I won’t lie. It’s really hard, but with time you develop *some* level of contentment, patience and gratitude. You go through phases.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m ecstatic for my niece. She really is like a little sister. I love her, and pray for the absolute best for her.
Back to the dholki. So, we’re just chatting, having fun, enjoying dinner. My niece asks something about age, I don’t remember now. So, I tell the truth (because I refuse to be ashamed of my age), “I’m 29, honey”.
Nur: *looks at me shocked*
[honestly sometimes looking younger than your age can really be a negative thing]
Nur: “Wait, so are you married?”
Me: “No”
Nur: “Isn’t that a bit too late, to be 29, and single?”
Nur: *Notices my eyes glazing over, and ever so kindly, and wisely changes the subject*
Omg, guys! I was so close to bursting into tears. I was so surprised at myself, but this question hit a nerve, and I swear to God, had Allah swt not given Nur the wisdom to change the subject, I would be sitting there bawling and making an absolute fool out of myself in front of all these family and friends.
Alhamdulilah.
This is so hard guys, I am not even being dramatic. I’m the most calm, composed sort of person, but this really hurt.
Obviously for all the other wedding events, I been making dua in tahajjud that Allah swt protect me from bawling in front of everyone. Alhamdulilah got through it. Alhamdulilah.
A Calmed Heart 
Awww I hope you get through this sister! Sending you positive energy and duas. Emotions build up and just wait for the wrong moment to come out.
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Thank you sooooo much Thari! Even though I may not reply right aware, I always look forward to your comments, and find them so uplifting ❤ JazakAllahu khairan, and yes still need your duas. 🙂
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💕
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I feel you! 100%
Allah swt doesn’t give you anything before your time. Good things will come your way ❤
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Thank you so much, inshAllah for sure. 💕
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It will happen at the right time InshaAllah. Remember Allah is the best planner ❤️
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For sure, please do remember in your duas, especially these days 🙂 May Allah swt bless you in your pregnancy, make it smooth and easy for you, and bless you with beautiful, healthy, righteous children who become the coolness of your eyes, ameen ❤
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Ameen. You are so kind. I’ll keep you in my days InshaAllah. Looking forward to reading more of your posts!
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JazakAllahu khairan 💕 inshAllah will try and write more. As you can tell, I’ve been stalking your blog every now and then 😊 it’s always good to hear from you.
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Feel free to stalk away! Do you use Instagram?
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Taking a break from Instagram for a bit. But maybe I’ll follow you when I’m back on.
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Aw fam. When it gets to the point where a student raises his hand in the lesson you are teaching to say, “Miss I swear it’s not normal to be 29 and not married,” you cease to be amazed at anything 😂 God has something great in store for the likes of us, I feel it in my bones x
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Yaaaay, someone who can relate! Tamtam, I must confess I love you, your writing, and your whole online persona! Maybe one day we will meet in person 🙂 💕
Wow, how old is this student? I woulda cried then and there. Stupid emotions.
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Aww bless. I love thee and all. He was 11 the little brat. I was like, “what does this have to do with Science? Eh? Exactly. Now see me at lunch for detention,” bwahahahaha 😈
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LOL haha, kids, love em and hate em all the same 🙂
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Behind everything that happens to us, or doesn’t happen to us, is a Wisdom from Allah… being married at 29 in some cultures is considered extremely young so it’s a little bit ignorant of *Nur* to make you feel like you are too old.
Subhan’Allah this is just culture and cultural preferences and norms but there is nothing wrong with getting married even if you’re 100!
If you really want to get married and it’s something you feel you are ready for, obviously ask Allah to grant you a righteous spouse and He will! Ask your family to help you in the search and if I were you, I would literally go to the Masjid at Fajr prayer and ask the Imam who is a regular here at Fajr time and is single and wants to get married? Then I would go from there…
Not because the best Muslim men are those who pray Fajr in the mosque but it does show maturity, loyalty to Allah and strength. Something you will cherish in a husband.
Everything else doesn’t matter. In the meantime, enjoy being single it has its advantages! Focus on the good and know that the person you are going to marry is already written so what do you have to fear? Society and their judgement? You are bigger than that!
Much Love and may Allah make your spouse a Blessing.
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JazakAllahu Khairan, ShukrAllah, I don’t know how I missed your comment. Beautiful advice, and wise words ❤
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This one is my favourite for single people. Written when I was far into my own quest…
https://dreamlife.wordpress.com/2007/04/20/for-the-single-people-out-there/
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That is soooo beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing. Loved these lines:
“And all that came before was not a waste –
on the contrary,
it was a treasure chest:
a collection of thoughts, feelings, experiences;
all part of your preparation.”
So your quest has ended? I’m hoping it has 🙂 I’m looking forward to reading through your blog soon, inshAllah. Glad to meet you fellow blogger.
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Omg 😢, “Dreams come true.
I’m living proof of that.” Beautiful, thank you. May Allah swt bless you and your spouse immensely in your marriage, in deen, dunya and akhirah, ameeeen!
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Since, I’m bombarding You with replies. I’d like to request your advice and Duas please.
Speaking to someone for marriage atm, and I’m being so so guarded, because I’m so so scared of things not working out, like before. He’s overseas, Australia. I’ve not looked outside the vicinity of my city for least 5 years, because I really want to be close to my parents. I’m the only daughter.
How do you know when it’s the right person? Is there a way to know or it’s just like all other proposals. I’ve been praying istikhara to calm my heart. And pouring my heart to Allah swt like you’ve said in your poetry, that really helps too. Alhamdulilah.
JazakAllahu khairan.
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JazakAllah for your kind words and duas.
I really can’t say how you’d know if it’s the right person. Honestly: humans are a bundle of past experiences, emotional baggage, hopes and dreams, and so much more. Istikhara is obviously your biggest and most essential tool in this. But whether you’ll actually KNOW for sure…nobody can say.
The best you can do, in my view (and I’m no scholar so please don’t take this as religious advice), is simply seek closeness to Allah, take all the necessary precautions (‘tie your camel’), then rely on Allah and have full trust that He will guide you to the best route. And remember that our vision is very limited, so don’t be too quick to judge a situation. If my wife had done that, we wouldn’t have ended up together. So, give it time and allow things to develop without forcing it. And make sure your parents know how sincere you are about this and try to get their support – even if it means you’ll move far away.
May Allah guide you to the best course of action in your situation, and grant you complete success – in this dunya and the akhira – as a result of whatever path you take.
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JazakAllahu khairan. I really needed this. From what I’ve learned of the brother, he seems genuine and sincere and only Allah knows best but this is what I feel like.
However, things keep getting delayed. That’s scary for me. I guess because of my fear of things not working out and being afraid of investing emotionally in this, I just want things to move a bit faster. In case it isn’t meant to be … my parents know, and are supportive, alhamdulilah. But now I may have to wait two weeks before getting to know his sisters. I’ve already been speaking to him for a month. That’s so long.
These things are just so testing and I cannot tell if the brother is fully interested. I feel at times, I’m doing the initiating, although he responds positively. Ugggghhh
Part of being a girl is that we overthink things, that is what my brother keeps telling me.
InshAllah khair. JazakAllahu khairan for the Duas, you’ve no idea how desperately I need them. 😊
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I feel you!
I’ll be 29 in a couple months. All year, I was teaching elementary school kids in Palestine, where the norm to marry is immediately after university. I can’t tell you the number of times 10-year students ask me my age, and when they know it, exclaim, “Really?! But that’s my mom’s age!” Or, “My mom is a year younger than you!”
Alhamdulileh life is good. And when people judge you for things you can’t control, it says that they’re not content with their lives and want to make you uncomfortable with yours. Kids just mimic the adults.
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Subhanah Allah I can relate to this very well. I didn’t get married until I was 33! And for a while it seemed as if everyone else’s life had moved on and I was at a standstill. But marriage is not about time, it’s about quality. Patiently awaiting the right person is very honorable. I pray that Allah azza wa jal will bless you with a righteous and loving husband and that you will benefit each other in this life and the next. May He be everything that you want and need in a man, and you the same for him. Ameen! 🌸
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