Glimmer of Hope in Dark Depths

Bismillah.

I am at this point in my life, where things are beautiful, yet testing, and difficult. Have you ever worked really hard at something, put your 100% effort in, done your very best, and not just once, but attempted at it over and over again … just to come to a dead end?

What adds to the pain is how people perceive you. Usually, I’m not the sort who cares much about what people think or say, as long as within my heart and soul I know and feel like what I’ve done is acceptable. As long as I feel like Allah swt won’t be displeased with me, I am content.

But it isn’t about what people say, it’s about all the advises they gives you, all the questions they ask. Because, hidden within those questions and those advises is their negative perception of you, that is so blatantly apparent. People assume that you never tried, you’re not doing things correctly. They assume so, so much, subhanAllah.

At times like this, there is one thing I consistently try and turn to for comfort. That is my favorite chapter of the Quran: Surah Yusuf, the story of Joesph. I love this surah so immensely, I can’t really put it into words. At times, when I am really down, I can’t read it, I can’t listen to it, because it’s too overwhelming, because just being exposed to it will make the shell around my heart crack open, and that melting means an outpouring of emotions. Emotions, that sometimes I’m not ready to face. But when I am ready, and alone, then within this beautiful and sacred story, my comfort lies.

This is my favorite one to listen to and watch:

Sister Yasmin Mogahed recently posted this on facebook:

“Sheikh Muhammad an-Najdi made a beautiful point about the Prophet Joseph `alayhi salaam (peace be upon him) when it comes to ‘delays’. When Joseph (as) was in jail, he was considered the best person even by those who shared his cell. They said to him, “Indeed, we see you to be of those who do good,” (Qur’an, 12:36). Yet even though he was better than them, he remained in jail for longer; his release was ‘delayed’. The first cellmate was released and went on to become a servant; the second was executed. When Joseph (as) was finally released many years later, he became a Minister and was reunited with his family.

So if you ever feel that your dreams are delayed, and everyone else seems to be moving forward, just remember the example of Joseph (as). Stay true to Allah (swt) and to yourself and remember that “Allah does not allow to be lost the reward of the doers of good,” (Qur’an 9:120). Indeed, He is al-Muqaddim, al-Mu’akhir; the One who brings forward and the One who delays.”
–Jinan Ymb

I love this, it’s so beautiful and it gave me so much hope, because sometimes I feel like that person, just stuck in a situation, questioning why I’m still here.

This beautiful surah, every single time that I listen to it, does a few very special things for me. It lessens the pain, and negativity, it immensely boosts my hope, it encourages me to place my full trust in Allah swt. It enables me to believe that I’m never alone, that nothing, not a single thing happens without the will of my creator, my Rabb. That I’ll be ok, and I’ll come out of this, and that there is always wisdom behind every test and trial. It makes me love Allah swt, and just gives me the courage to have faith, trust, and hope in Allah’s decree.

Also, every time I listen to it, I grasp something new about it. A different angle, a different perspective, a detail I hadn’t picked up earlier. There’s always something new about this story.

A while back, when I was listening to this story, I picked up something new. I realized that God gave Yaqub/Jacob (as) hope in a very beautiful way. God blessed him with a sign to hang onto through his dark trial, to get through his tough time. I just never realized before … Yusuf/Joseph’s (as) dream was this immense sign of hope for his father.

You see, prophets’ dreams come true, and both Yaqub and Yusuf (as) understood the meaning of dreams. So when Yusuf (as) tells his father that he dreamt of the sun and moon prostrating to him, Yaqub (as) must have understood that the dream means that Yusuf (as) would see this prosperous time where he will be held at a stage of respect by his own family.

Yaqub (as) knew that this dream would come true, as it is the dream of a prophet. So maybe it was something he held onto dearly, when his son was lost, for years and years. When he was told that his son has died. When people laughed at him and thought he was crazy for hoping for his son’s return. Maybe it was this dream that gave him courage, and hope. Isn’t this beautiful?

So, why am I sharing this with you? Because by realizing this, I feel like Allah swt has granted me a similar sign. There is something I’ve been praying for, from the depth of my heart. It’s a prayer in which I asked Allah swt to replace one thing for me with something better, and you know what? Half of that dua was accepted, Allah swt has taken away from me what I asked him to replace. I feel like this is my sign. In this testing time, where I’m struggling  to hang on to hope and faith, this half answered prayer, is my sign, my anchor of hope that God will grant me something better. I’m halfway there. This feels to me like Allah swt has given me a means of hope, just like he granted it to Yaqub (as). That dream he may have hung onto for hope, and courage, when everyone around him stopped believing that Yusuf would return, when everyone around him tried to drag him down, and yet he still held on.

This loss, to me, is that immensely needed sign of hope. I stand in darkness, and I stand where no one believes in me anymore, but I stand against all odds, hoping, because that’s what a believer does, s/he hopes, s/he places their full trust in Allah swt, and expects the absolute best from Him, and I’m doing my very best to do this. Alhamdulilah ❤ I need your duas guys, possibly more than I’ve ever needed them before. JazakAllahu Khairan. ❤️

 

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