We were different, yet similar. I admired his visions, his drive, his plan for the future, and most importantly his commitment to the deen. That was my main goal too, my religion. My life revolved around my religion, and not the other way around. That is exactly why I duped myself into thinking this would work.
But things aren’t as they seem. Everything screamed otherwise. Throughout our communication there was something misplaced, something missing that I just couldn’t put my finger on. But it bothered me, and irked me immensely. I prayed Istikhara, made dua, asked Allah for guidance.
God has his own plans though, and they don’t follow our timelines. He knows us better than we know ourselves. That’s why I rely on my Creator, and can find calm within turbulence. So I let things be, and waited. At the same time, I thought and thought, prayed and prayed, and did research, analyzed things. And then, when I’d let myself get a bit detached from the emotional side of things, it hit me. I realized what was missing.
It was a connection. I didn’t connect with him. At all! I don’t think I’ve ever felt so emotionally disconnected from someone this way. And this wasn’t a good sign, it wasn’t what I’d hoped for either. But it was the answer to my dua, my istikhara. And I’m grateful, grateful I realized before it became too late.
But why? No, I’m not asking why me. I’m asking what was the reason behind it? I firmly believe things don’t happen without a reason. So why was he placed in my life, at this specific time? God doesn’t make mistakes. Every single thing that happens, does so for a reason. And this was for a reason too. A lesson I needed to learn was embedded within this occurrence, and I want to know what it is. Because I want to learn from it and grow. Grow the way God wants me to.
Maybe. Maybe it’s to remind me that “Sky is the limit”. That I can have what I hope and pray for. Maybe it’s a reminder to believe in my dreams, and my hopes and desires. Maybe it’s a reminder to trust Allah. Trust that if this amazing person came into my life, another amazing person might actually have been written for me. Maybe it’s just a matter of time. A matter of patience and perseverance. And maybe it’s not this, and it’s just something else. I don’t need to fret over it though, because Time will tell. Time will reveal the lessons embodied within the past.
The most important this is… that I accept … the decision and wisdom of My Lord. Alhamdulilah.